Megan Fox; Love and Marriage

It goes together like a horse and carriage.  The big hollywood buzz today is that Megan Fox has married her long time, on again off again boyfriend Brian Austin Green.

First of all, this is a great deal for Austin Green.  I mean, he’s seriously lucked out.  Also, kudos to Fox, who you’d think that given Hollywood stereotypes, might have shacked up with someone a little more famous.  Sure Austin Green had the hearts of every 13 year old girl when I was growing up, but just as Rick Springfield’s fame dried up so did Green’s.  That’s ok though, hell, Brian Austin Green is  a shit-tonne more famous than I ever will be.

The problem here, is that Megan Fox is commiting career suicide.  Guys go see her in movies because she is hot and single.  Not just hot, but uber hot.  She’s so hot, that you can’t look directly at her for fear of burning your retna’s.  Subconciously, men lust after her because she is single.  Now that she’s married, the attraction is less.   This coupled with her latest weak movie releases (Transformers 2, and Joanah Hex), makes for a very tough time getting starring roles.

Maybe that’s the plan, maybe she’s made some decent coin on the silver screen and has decided that it’s time to hoard that cash and live off the fat with her husband until the end of time.  Doesn’t sound too bad to me!

The Mimic Loop

Here is a quick question, with a simple answer but a long complicated background:  When do you stop chasing a woman?

Well,  really you shouldn’t be chasing a woman.. not really.  You shouldn’t be sitting at home waiting for her to txt you back or to reply to your e-mails.  If she wants to get together, she will let you know.

Often guys will meet a women who acts interested and then suddenly disappears of the radar.  Standard guy code dictates ‘forget her, she’s not interested.. move on.’.  It sounds robotic, but you really have to shelf that emotion BS sometimes and cut her off because if you hang on and keep trying to get in there, one of a few things will happen.  She’ll think you’re creepy and refer to you when talking to her friends as ‘stalker’, or you’ll get stuck in the friend zone and never have a chance at anything more.

Here’s a slightly different scenario.

You meet a woman who acts interested, then suddenly dissapears.  You do your due dillegence as a man and cut her off.  Then, she slowly starts creeping back into your life, acting interested again.  Then AGAIN, she falls off the map.  Repeat.  Its like some weird fucked up yo-yo.  So as a guy, you say ‘enough is enough’ and decide to cut her off once and for all and no longer bite at the table scraps of attention she throws your direction.

This is all fine and good.  It answers the ‘what do you do?’ question, but it doesn’t really give any insight into what she is thinking.  Honestly, is she coo-coo for coco-puffs? or is she that starved for attention that if no other men are available she’ll pretend she’s interested?  where does this behaviour come from? because it’s downright maniacal.

Here are a few of my theories.

1) She likes the idea of a continuing up and down flirtation accompanied by sexual tension, similar to the up-and-down, in/out love affairs you see on TV shows

2)It’s what I like to call a ‘proximity infatuation’.  Whenever she runs into you, and you’re at the top of her mind she is attracted to you but once a few hours goes by she’s forgotten about you

3)You are plan B.  She may have another love interest that she’s persueing but it’s tentative and she wants a ‘man in waiting’, leading you on slightly in order to keep you interested as a backup

No wrap up to this, as obviously there’s no clear answer except to avoid any of these scenarios

East Side Calamari

I’ve got a bone to pick with East Side Mario’s restaurant.  For years, I’ve been a loyal soldier for them, I’ve loved their food and sunk countless dollars on dates, casual drinks, and watching hockey games at their establishments.  Now, I feel betrayed by them.

Let’s backtrack a little bit.  In my quest to drop pounds, I’ve been tracking my food intake and exercise.  For those of you who are doing the same, check out www.livestrong.com – sign up, get an account, and it will help track everything.  It’s brilliant.

So, last night I ate at East Side Marios before catching a movie.  I’d really behaved myself for the day, and had plent of room left in my day’s alotment of calories to splurge and have a nice meal.  Even then, I decided not to get the full-course meal with bread, salad, and an entree.  I simply ordered an appetizer, the Calamari El Diavlo.  I figured that a small pan of calamari would be just fine for my intake.  After getting home,  I inputed it into the myplate section of livestrong.com and was less than pleased to discover that this dish alone is 1010 calories.  I said it out loud “are you fucking kidding me?”

I decided to investigate how many calories the ‘sausage and pepper penne’ had, which was my second choice of dishes last night.  It only clocked in at 523 calories.  I could’ve had the penne, bread, and salad… and it would’ve contained LESS calories than a simple calamari appetizer.

Ok, so I made a miscalculation, and in the end.. after the feast last night (because I also ate some of my buddies food too), I only came out 200 calories over budget.  Which means, I broke even on the day (worse things could happen).

My concern, is not for me, but for the population who eat at East Side Marios.  How many times have couples gone out, and decided to split a calamari before getting an Entree, with Salad and Bread??? there’s no way you are leaving that place without taking in at least 2000 calories.  Fucking bullshit is what that is.

Some of my best friends are DJ’s

I have some interesting friends and count myself lucky to have so many.  However, I have to be surprised that I’ve relatively stayed out of trouble given the dangerous makeup of rockstars, music industry people, and radio broadcasters that often encircle me.  There’s a constant flow of narcotics, booz, skanks, and great music in most of these circles – and really, it’s ‘rock n’ roll’ … right? I mean, that’s allegedly what it’s all about.  So, it really should be of no surprise that when I was out of town, in some grungy biker bar near the Quebec border hanging with some long-time friends, that I was nearly arrested.  Twice.

First, at the bar when the police decided to stop by for a random walk-through to make sure everybody was behaving.  They walked out on the patio and spotted a bag of marijuana under a chair near my feet.  My answer to the police was “It’s not mine, I don’t smoke, I’m asthmatic”.  Luckily they didn’t see the pack of ciggarettes rolled up in my sleeve.

Second.  2:45am, I’m pulled over by a police office who saw that the sticker on my plates was out of date (long story as to why I don’t have a new sticker).  The young lady in the passenger seat says “don’t freak out, but just so you know, I’ve got an open bottle of vodka in my purse”.  Gulp.

How did it all turn out?   just fine, as it always does.

Misadventure & Minor Hyjinx are my speciality, lets hope my luck doesn’t run out!

Meatball Update

Ok, first let me start by plugging my new radio show.  I will be hosting a 5 hour, once a week program on Kingston’s Classic Rock station FM96.  The debut show is tomorrow, Saturday, starting at 2pm.

Shameless self promotion.

Ok, so you may remember a while ago I posted about about my Meatball arch-nemesis.   A quick recap.  There is somebody beating me to punch for meatballs around the city of Kingston, particularly at various Subways I’m constantly running into the phrase ‘sorry, we just sold the last of our meatballs’.  There is a villain out there buying up all the meatballs in town before I have a chance to satisfy my craving.

Last night I gained a clue as to who this meatball nemesis is.  It’s a woman.  A meatball Villainess, if you will.

I walked into Subway around 9pm, and asked ‘do you have meatballs left?’  the nice young girl behind the counter replied ‘I just sold the last of them’.  Foiled again.  She continued ‘it was so slow all night, not a soul came in here, and then all of a sudden some woman ordered five footlong meatball subs 10 minutes ago’.   Clearly this is war.  Who orders 5 footlong meatball subs at 9pm??

The battle continues.

My latest obsession

For the few days or so, I’ve just been craving a beautiful Indian goddess.  I don’t know exactly how the thought got planted in my brain,  not just the women mind you, I’ve been dreaming of laying on satin pillows smoking from a hookah, eating grapes, and yes, women too.  It sounds over-indulgant, stereotypical,  and yes, it is… but these have been my dreams lately.

I have been watching a new TV series called ‘Royal Pains’, which stars Reshma Shetty, one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen.  However, I’ve been watching that show for several weeks and doubt it’s related to my recent obession.

There’s my confession, I’ve got Hindi fever.

On a side note, Canadian Actor Paulo Constanzo is absolutely brilliant in Royal Pains.  The best character and actor in my opinion.. great delivery.  You may remember him from the movie Road Trip with Tom Green.

Wax Off

Well, it would seem that Hollywood has officially run out gas and then some.  It’s been running on fumes for years now, and now movie execs are pushing the car uphill both ways.. all the way to the box office.  This past weekend was an all new low in rehashed movie ideas.  The A-Team was released as a full-length feature, insert the ‘pity the fool’ jokes here, as I don’t need to see the film to know that it was simply an exercise in action production.  It would seem that most action movies made in the last decade are simply a formula exercise for directors and producers; similiar to a musician practicing scales over and over again so that it becomes second nature.  Big Explosions, Big Guns, and Big Titties.. the key to any action flick.  I’m not saying that action movies need to have scripts that are pieces of word-art.. far from it, but for the love of film, show me something different or slightly different… or at a different angle.

Also released this past weekend was the remake of Karate Kid, inspiring a whole new generation of kids with wax-on wax-off jokes.  I mean, was Karate Kid THAT great of a movie that it deserves a remake?  not really… was the A-Team THAT great of a TV show that  it deserves a feature film?  not really either.

A few random thoughts..

Sorry, no higher learning word tea today.. just a few simple random thoughts…

First of all.. today is the 25th Anniversary of a cinematic masterpiece known as ‘The Goonies’.  One of my all time favorites.  I don’t care how old you are, pop that flick in sometime in the next few days.

Second.. a very important thought.. where the hell is my curvatious Red-Head????  summer is here and I need an activity partner.

Last of all, if you do anything this week make sure you check out Bulk-Barn’s sale items…. there are deals to be had there.

BK -> Out.

The Jeffrey

I will try not to ruin what is a fantastic movie.  ‘Get Him to the Greek’.

There was a term used in this movie that I’d never heard of, and KUDOS to the writers of this movie because after googling it today I could not find any reference to it.  That means, that this term was completely original which is so rare in today’s hollywood.

The Jeffrey.  By the definition in the movie, a Jeffrey is a cornucopia of drugs rolled into one ciggarette.  “Marijuana, Opium, Heroin, and a sprinkle of Angel Dust” (not sure if that’s an exact quote).

The big question “why do you call it a Jeffrey?”  The Answer “because nobody suspects a bloke named Jeffrey, he’s just that nice fellow that lives down the street”

It’s not often that I advocate for a film, but this is definately one of the gems of 2010.  Go see ‘Get Him to the Greek’, but maybe wait until after before smoking a Jeffrey.

Bra Technology

I’m not trying to brag or anything, but I’ve seen a lot of breasts.  In the flesh, and also in movies and on TV.  I wouldn’t consider myself a professor of breasts, but I’m certainly a hobbyist or an enthusiast.

Here’s something I’ve noticed about breasts.  Is that every generation, or every few decades, they are different.  They’ve got a certain ‘look’ to them, or a certain shape or tone.  Breasts today are different from breasts in the 1980′s, which are different from the 60′s, which are different again from the 50′s.

It can’t be a coincidence.  It’s not an isolated obvservation.  In the 1980′s, just watch any b-horror movie with gratuitous boob shots, or the best example would be Police Academy which had a good chunk of nudity during Mahoney & companies hyjinx.  Breasts just looked different in the 80′s.  There is less documented evidence as you go back in time, but if you grab an old issue of playboy from the 60′s you’ll see how again breasts were different.

Why you ask?  My hypothesis, and answer to the question, is Bra Technology.  Throughout history, Bra Technology has shaped (literally) the way breasts appear.  As technology has improved throughout time the state of breasts in the world has been effected.  Not for good or bad, but just changed the look.  It’s what I would like to coin as ‘un-concious style’.  Throughout time we’ve had fashion and hairstyle changes, but breasts have also changed in style… for the better?  well that depends on your taste.

How many times have  I typed the word breasts?  ten times.